To the guy who left me hanging – An Open Letter

I woke up this morning and a song played. It’s kind of ironic how moved on I am from you but still had you in my dream, coincided by a song that strongly described what we used to have. You we’re the one who introduced me to it and even invited me to watch the movie. It never happened. Pa’no na kaya. I wondered.

Days are gone when you and I were still friends, closer than my expectation. I never had a guy friend like that before, and never will I ever have the same again. I never asked to be yours, never asked you to be mine either. I was content to be just a friend. To be by your side and company, to be your best buddy, to be a bridge to almost all of the girls I know you used to like, to be your supporter until we reach the top. Remember that? You were the one who promised and made me promise to stay single until we finish college, pass the board exams, land a good job and reach the top. I was the first to break the NBSB/NGSB club, yes. But I never thought it was a real deal. 

Until you questioned me for having him. You questioned what he did and what he couldn’t do. I was blinded from my first relationship and realized it was unhealthy. You were there. You stayed and didn’t leave. You listened to my dramas and played me songs. You made me laugh and forget the pain. You tried to catch me from your tricky questions just to hear me say that I liked you since high school. You made me happy. You became my strength. You said you love me. I said I love you too, my best friend.

But every bit of me crashed when you closed your door and left me hanging. Without an explanation, literally without a word. I was left speechless but full of questions. What did or didn’t I do or have said that made you stop the story just when we were in my most favorite part? I know I should have been more careful, but you should have been less selfish.

For months, I saw you from afar at least twice a week and it hurts me every time. More hurtful with a thought of the unclear. I was afraid to initiate a conversation, for you have already ignored me when I asked you why. It was unavoidable.

Just when I had enough and realized I couldn’t live that way, I closed my doors.

I left.

I changed my path.

I went far.

A place where no one knows you and would remind me of you.

I succeeded.

Now, more than half a decade has gone. Here I am, walking on air with the greatest love of my life. And you are with yours. But unexpectedly out of the blue had you in my dream last night, you were there just trying to explain the past I couldn’t barely understand. I don’t know how when I don’t think of you anymore, even for a second. Then I realized, it wasn’t me but my past subconscious that wants something to demystify.

For in the real world, I am stronger, wiser and have found the guy who would never ever ever leave me hanging.

 

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